What is Therapy?
The wound is the place where the Light enters you.
Rumi
Connecting with someone who is willing to go into the unknown, into the dark reaches of the psyche with you, to explore what is happening for you and why; with curiosity, compassion, honesty and tenderness. Within this co-created space, and through the unique relationship that therapy affords, we attempt to make sense of the sometimes tangled mess of our experiences and their ongoing emotional affect; part-remembered, part-felt, part-constructed in the moment.
That’s my ‘in a nutshell’ feelings on what therapy is, and there’s a broad range of differing definitions and opinions on what constitutes therapy for other people; from the medical perspective that wants to fix us by 'treating mental health issues', to the humanist centring of the person and their 'unique individual characteristics and human potential', to an existential focus on an 'inhibited ability to make authentic, meaningful, and self-directed choices'.
For me therapy is a reparative act (from reparare ‘make ready again’). To be ready to live fully and authentically again often takes the courage to look back, or more importantly to feel back, into what we’ve been through on our journey through life so far. Through this work we can bring into awareness the unconscious patterns of behaviour (or patterns of relating) that are no longer serving us well. In fact they are more than likely the very thing that is blocking us from our natural maturing process and getting in the way of the growth of healthy relationships within our communities. These patterns show up in our current relationships, and will more than likely show up between yourself and your therapist as you work together. This is where the real magic happens, and it’s where real courage is needed from both participants to face uncomfortable truths that the ego does not want to know about, that the ego has kept hidden in the shadows, but can’t truly hide from our deeper conscience.
Bringing unconscious patterns into awareness is the initial groundwork that can often feel exhilarating as a deeper knowledge of self is empowering. The further evolution of this work, and ultimately the growth of self, involves working through and changing these patterns. This is a different matter. Defences that make you feel safe may be brought to light, and this can be a challenging process as the ego is forced to relinquish control and accept its limitations. This is where a good therapist should be by your side, unflinching in taking on this challenge with you, helping you stay grounded and regulated so you are better able to make sense of the reorientation that may well ensue.
I also think of therapy as being akin to an initiation. In this way of experiencing it becomes a crossing of a threshold, into sacred space, outside the ‘normal’ profane space and time we inhabit most of our waking life; at work, with our families, or scrolling through endless ‘content’. This deep exploration of self requires a good container for the alchemical process of change to take place. That container is the co-created relationship between you and your therapist. This should be boundaried by time, place and an ethical code of conduct that is transparent and mutually agreed upon. Above all it requires showing up; fully, authentically and with tenderness and curiosity for your self.
Therapy is also being heard, sometimes for the first time in our life. It can be a powerful experience to be truly heard, not just listened to.
As I alluded to above ‘the unknown’ is the destination, and my guiding metaphor is that of exploration. Exploring the territory of our psyche, both individual and collective. If you feel like something is holding you back but you just can’t locate what it is, or if you know you have some trauma to process and are ready to know yourself better, reach out and we can have a fifteen minute chat to see if it feels right to work together.
Thanks for your message. I will get back to you soon to arrange a convenient time for a 15 minute phone consultation.